HELP! I need a lifestyle advisor

Linda Scoles was our speaker at the November meeting and, from her last visit, members knew they were in for an interesting and quite hilarious evening. Linda explained her New Year resolutions which concentrated on her image and conduct. Each was described in turn; whilst hoping to keep the resolutions, things didn’t turn out that way as we were to discover. One was to make compromises, this resulted in her and her husband changing the way the toilet roll was pulled, each one turning it round when being used. ‘Judge not others’ involved a trip to meet her husband at an airport wearing a red hat and very little under her coat. This resulted in being stared at by men passing by. ‘Accept beauty as nature intended’, Linda had used depilatory cream on her top lip which burnt her skin leaving quite a mark causing extreme embarrassment as she was reading a lesson in church. ‘Think before you act’ involved organising a choir to sing on staging with lighted candles. With no risk assessment there was a very real risk that the lighted candles the choir carried could set light to the heavily lacquered hair of the ladies standing below. ‘Behave in an appropriate manner at all times’ she was persuaded by her husband to go and see an x-rated film in Bury St Edmunds and was seen by her neighbours going in to the cinema. Having related each resolution with suitable anecdotes Linda decided never to make another New Year resolution.